AimiSays

During the last session of my counseling my counselor told me my biggest problem was trusting people. I open up to people but in reality I trust no one, it’s the reason why I take on so many projects myself, not only does it preoccupy my time, distracting myself from people but it also keeps me in charge so that others aren’t able to help me out. I hate the concept of depending on anyone because the worst feeling in the world is disappointment. It’s a fear that people will let me down. My counselor has constantly pushed me towards learning to slowly trust people even whether it be with a minuscule task and I think I was beginning to do that. She felt like with the recent happenings it seemed like there was a certain person whom I could learn to trust in and so I began to follow her advice and trust that person alot more but with what happened last week, I think I was right.  People are only bound to disappoint and betray you.

Trust no one.

Even after we broke up, I still had a thing for you. You were that guy I believed I would always have a thing for no matter my future and you grew to be my best friend. Part time lover, full time friend, that’s how I would’ve described our relationship. In secrecy, I prayed we would get back together but as time grew on, I matured and I came to the realization that I had to let go of that idea of “us.” I was content with our current relationship, “best friends.” You are still my best friend. Maybe I won’t talk to you everyday, I won’t be able to respond to each and every text message right away, I won’t be able to have skype dates or stay up all night on the phone like I used to but that doesn’t define a true friend. A true friend is someone whom you can pick back up with right where you left off the last time you spoke, knowing that time may have passed but nothing between you has changed. So even if I don’t talk to you as often as I used to that doesn’t mean our friendship has lost it’s value to me.

You are still my Maxipad, my BooBoo, and forever my best friend.

I guess I should just expect the worst every year for my birthday now.

Growing up my parents never really cared much for my birthday. I would hang out with a small group of friends for two or three hours and that was it. My parents thought birthday parties were a pain and I could never stay out late. So growing up I barely remember any birthdays besides my 7th birthday when I nearly drowned.

When I turned 16 I spent my sweet sixteen bawling my eyes out in my boyfriend-at-the-time’s bedroom because he fucked up everything and bailed.

When I turned 17 half my friends last minute cancelled plans on me and that same boyfriend flaked on me.

This year I guess I could say in a sense it was my fault for being reckless and irresponsible but damn nothing’s better than spending your car drive home bawling your eyes out from worry and stress.

Even if my boyfriend couldn’t be here today at least he sent me flowers and a pair of  buildabears that describe us to prove he didn’t forget.

For the most part my birthday was quite lovely today. I got a nice surprise of flowers and buildabears went out with 21 of my dearest friends for dinner and went out clubbing with a small group of my really close friends and it was a good birthday up until the last hour or two of it.

Holla! (:

mellokitty:

Some “best friend” you are.